Confessions from a bathroom stall

Posted: July 9, 2015 in Other
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Hello there you.

Ummm. Did the woman just seating in the next stall just say hi to me? Errr, are you even supposed to talk when you are using the bathroom? Ummm. Hi?

How are you?

Ah, I’m good? I guess.

Really?

Fine, I’m not good-far from it. There’s a lot thats has been going in my head. Sometimes I even feel like it’s not possible to have all these thoughts in one’s mind, at times all at once. My thoughts start running wild when I am alone, and I’m always alone. You see, I’m depressed. I hate everybody, almost as much as I hate my self. I have been telling my self that everything is gonna be alright, sometimes I almost believe it…almost as much as I believe my self when I say “that’s the last chocolate I’ll eat today”, “the last killo I’ll gain from now on”, “the last boyfriend that’s going to cheat on me with a girl that’s much prettier than I am”…but I do eat, I do gain and he cheats.

Wow, tell me more.

I have tried to love myself you know…and God knows I have tried. But it’s not easy being me. I have always felt alone in this world, like there’s no one who understands me. I’ve been called so many names throughout my life and now I’m starting to believe them. ‘Maybe I truly am a faliure’, my mind says. Before, these thoughts were confined to a deeper…darker part of my brain, but now they have come ashore: too close for confort. I used to say ‘No, I’m not a faliure!’ ‘I’m not a disappointment!’ ‘I’m not fat!’-but this light in me has long since gone out. Pushed to the back of my brain where it’s not supposed to be.

What happened though?

Honestly, I don’t even know. I was never like this…I never let things get to me. After all, words are words-or so I thought. When people you thought would love you unconditionally don’t, when the one place you’d expect to be your sanctuary turns out to be your undoing…relentless pain, unending agony makes you give up on everything you held dear. Sometimes I wake up at night and just seat thinking about the old days…dreaming with my eyes open cause I can’t afford to close my eyes and remember, relive. Funny I haven’t even talked to anyone this much in a long time. You might think I’m a creeper, like I have nothing else to do…truth is, I don’t. I wasn’t kidding when I said I was alone in this world.

Wait, hold on…I think the girl in the other stall is talking to me. Weird. I’ll call you back later.

Oh.

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