Tears Dry On Their Own

Posted: December 2, 2015 in Life, Other
Tags: , ,

I thought of you today and I was shocked to realize it didn’t affect me as it usually did. How a single thought would make me shiver and chill me to my bones. How waking up alone in the morning, with your side of the bed empty, made me want to stay in bed forever. Curled up under the covers hoping it was all a dream.

You have no idea how empty my chest felt, robed of it’s beating heart, whenever I reheat the left over pizza in the microwave. Eating alone, with only the sound of my chewing to keep me company.

Oh how I tossed an turned everynight unable to go to sleep. Counting sheep after sheep. How I picked the pieces of my shattered self, each time feeling worse than before. Bleeding and defeated.

Used to be the smell of your favorite perfume, could send me running out the door. But now, now I don’t know. I guess in the process of picking up pieces of me for so long, I have  forgotten who broke me in the first place. I guess because I was so  caught up in mending myself that I finally did something by myself. For myself. And the scars have healed and the power you had over me has waned. Disappeared actually.

Then how else can I explain why I don’t cry about you anymore. Why the mention of your name doesn’t make my bandaged heart jump?

No couldas, no wouldas and no what ifs and shouldas. Just now. Just me. Just me, myself and I.

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