Missing In Action

Posted: October 19, 2016 in Uncategorized

I don’t even know where to begin! It’s been almost ten months since I last updated this blog. I can list so many reasons as to why I haven’t posted anything new these past few months, but I won’t because I know all of them are going to sound like excuses, because they are ( and partly because I honestly don’t know why I even stoped).

Alot has happened in those ten months, most bad than good. Looking back at the beginning of the year (2008, Ethiopian Calander), I wouldn’t have guessed it was going to turn out like it did. The most important thing that I learned last year is that to never expect things to turn out like you expect/want them to. I had a clear plan and idea on how the year was going to go but every day was a twist in another never ending turn.

They say when it rains, it pours. Maybe so. But sometimes, when it rains, it fucking hails! And all you can do is run for the nearest shelter, rubbing the few bumps on your head from those nasty little ice balls! I feel like there’s dark cloud hanging over my head, a dark stormy cloud. But quite frankly, I’m bored! I’m bored of bad things happening one after the other that I don’t even get surprised anymore. I say bored because I’m way past the point of being tired. I’m bored of this fucking storm that never lets up, wrecking everything and everyone in it’s line of sight. I am so bored that I want the rainbows that follow this godforsaken rain, because they seem to always do.

The last year might have been a lot of (badbadnotgood) things but it was never dull. We are our experiences inso far as they shape how we think and see things, the world, but in no way do they define us. For a long time now I have been holding my past, the bad things that have happened to me in my mere 21 years of existence, over my head. And they, whether I like it or not, have cast a shadow over my present and over the happy times (which I always forget to write about) and in a way, I have let them.

In an earlier draft of this post, which has been seating in the local drafts on this site and one I thought I had lost, I referred to my self as a failed writer and that maybe I should just delete this site because it is a reminder of my failure as writer. But coming back after a month or so and going through my posts over the years, I couldn’t disagree with myself more. I may not be a great writer, but I am not bad one either. And during the time I was away from my blog I have learned a few things, things that have “broadened my horizon” in life and also as a writer. I feel like I was being to hard on my self because it’s not like I completely wrote off writing, I haven’t. In fact I have been dabbling in the art of poetry during my time away from herd, something I never thought I would do let alone perform in front of people (before I found poetry to be lame and boring, now I bleed poetry.)

I have been searching for  inspiration to update this blog, to write more, for almost a year and all it took was a scroll through my earlier posts to find it. The Irony is not lost on me.

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